In her new song, Kim Sanders deals with a childhood trauma

Music video of “Father” by Kim Sanders at https://youtu.be/ACkHb2TZEWs

itunes: FATHER-Single
itunes: FATHER – Unplugged

Amazon: FATHER-Single
Amazon: FATHER – Unplugged

My name is Kim Sanders

My name is Kim Sanders. I am a singer and songwriter and have been living in Germany for more than 25 years. In the course of my career as a musician I have written some songs, but the title „Father“ is something special for me – it is an autobiographical testimonial to my abuse as a child. In 2004 Marcus Brosch, a producer and colleague, sent me a music recording. When I was listening to it for the first time, a dark, emotional presence came over me. It was not clear to me at the time, however, what this presence was. But the more I listened to the music, the more I was confronted with my very painful past. I procrastinated in writing the song for six weeks because I did not want to deal with the emotions that the music caused to surface. Marcus gently encouraged me to finish writing the song. That was instrumental in my deciding not to suppress my feelings any longer and to write the song „Father“.

My stepfather married my mother and adopted me when I was about three years old. My biological father decided not to be part of my life. I did not meet him until I was 19. I am the oldest child in the family. Although I can’t say exactly when the abuse began, I can remember some incidents that occurred between the ages of 6 and 11. My stepfather was a very cold, mean and scary man. His presence alone caused one to recoil in horror, and his punishments were inhuman. He used the belt, extension cords, branches of trees and his hands to meter out his punishments. My mother and my siblings were also victims of his violent ways, but I always had the feeling that he hated me more because I was not his child. Other people noticed the evidence of abuse and bruises on my body, but that didn’t stop him. His intimidation and maltreatment made me feel unloved, unprotected and worthless.

In the end, my mother divorced him. Although we were finally freed from physical abuse at his hands, the emotional wounds haunted me into adulthood. I suffered from depression and anorexia as a teenager. I had difficulties in school and I didn’t feel part of it. I was considered to be „weird“ and „different“, so I hid my pain by playing the clown. I kept a diary, wrote poems and eventually began to write songs. Music became my refuge. In 1989 I moved to Germany with my mother and siblings. I was 20 then and experienced that stage in my life as a new beginning. When I started my career in the German music industry, I sang for some successful projects. At the same time, I started to lose my voice. When my voice therapist suggested that I also consider psychotherapy, I realised that there was a connection between the loss of my voice and the abuse I suffered as a child. I’ve been in therapy for 10 years with interruptions. And even though I honestly don’t know if I will ever be completely cured of my childhood trauma, I want to be a voice for those who can’t speak for themselves. There is NOTHING that any child can do that justifies any kind of physical abuse whatsoever.

FATHER (Directors comment)

How do children come to terms with trauma they have experienced? How does it change them when they are cheated out of the protection and love nature has afforded them? When they are abused, battered and bruised and robbed of their dignity. What happens to their souls? Does something in them break forever, or does some sort of inherent human reflex survive? Is there some kind of instinctive resistance? A genetic trait that preserves empathy and compassion for others?

Is it inevitable that the same abuse that victims have experienced is then perpetrated by they themselves, and does violence that has been experienced at an early age necessarily reproduce itself as an inability to distinguish between right and wrong? Our perception as adults should probably be questioned more rigorously. It often seems as if children are „objectified“ as victims. Degraded to merely feelings of guilt, a symbol of adult failure. Trivialised and warped by what psychologists refer to as the „Kindchenschema“ – the „cuteness“ that arouses our instincts of protection for our offspring. This triggers an automatic response of repression because it is „unbearable“. But at the same time, we need to face up especially to the unbearable.

Real, drastic pictures of abused children’s injuries tend to cause people to look the other way, to block it out. Just like those controversial shock images on cigarette packs – do they only dull people out, or do they actually have an emotional effect? All too easily we forget that the victims are autonomous individuals. With personalities that have developed in the context of and for their respective phases of life.

Human dignity is inviolable. And children are actual role models for humaneness – as long as they do not lose their natural feelings of non-bias in adolescence. Children’s rights are still not laid down in our Constitution. Why? The question leaves us with a feeling of outrage and speechlessness. No video can answer these questions. At best, it can stimulate reflection.

Kim Sander’s song „Father“ is a stark and honest indictment. In it she directly addresses her father, at whose hands she suffered violence as a child. The anger, anguish and despair, the pervasive awareness of a childhood that was destroyed by her own father, has shaped her whole life – down to the present day. There is no respite. Her own personal fate stands as an example for many others. And those children of the present day who are let down and abused are scarred by this experience for the rest of their lives. The children in the film are examples of this fate – the fate of a broken and betrayed life. But they also stand for the nature of mankind and for that which we have to learn to see.

Abuse is not necessarily visible. Alleged abnormalities in the behaviour of injured children can be very subtle, and there is a risk that it will be confused for something also. Often child victims retreat entirely into themselves, appearing to be apathetic. This may, however, only be a manifestation of their extremely reduced emotions. Inside, however, they are observing their surroundings very closely. They are anxious and wary. The syndrome of Frozen Watchfulness. Adults from their perspective often misinterpret this as apathy.

I have great respect and admiration for Kim Sanders‘ courage in going public about her personal fate and for standing up for the Deutscher Kinderverein. I really hope that her song and video will reach out to many people and help attract public while encouraging political action that is long since overdue.

Special thanks go out to the cameraman Martin Neumeyer for his tremendous support and collaboration. And I would like to commend Rainer Rettinger and express my respect for his magnificent commitment to the Deutscher Kinderverein!

Guntram Krasting, Director